I can't even tell us apart

Two Words: First word, sounds like…. chicken

This situation happens to me on average more than four times a day. I have a guest who frequents the restaurant often. They come in knowing what they want but never remember the name of the dish. Then they will describe it to me until I guess what it is. Finally, once I’ve listened off half of the menu they magically remember.


People, people, people! Why don’t you take five seconds out of your day and look at the menu. Even better just remember what the dish is called. If this dish is your “favorite” it shouldn’t be so hard to remember the name of it. Stop being so lazy I am sick and tired of paying some weird version of charades with you until you magical remember what the dish is called.

Part Two of : Pet Peeves

When grownups ask for things children would normally get/do.

Example:
Shirley Temple,
Ketchup with steak or chicken,
Use's the wrong fork,
Cut their pasta,
Use the bread plate for salad and salad for bread.

As much as I hated, when my parents would give me the evil eye from across the table. Each time I held my fork incorrectly,I have to thank them for it. Because of them, I don’t look like a total primate sitting at the table.

Top Chef.

Recently I have run into, what I guess would be considered “guest complaints” about our food. Now these complaints are not about reasonable things such as; “My steak is overcooked” or “My mashed potatoes are cold”. Please, speak up if we serve you food that isn’t up to par. My pet-peeve here isn’t the fact that these people are complaining. It is how they are complaining about it.
Here’s my story to further explain.

I walked up to my table after their food had been dropped to check on them. After asking them if everyone was happy (they were)and coming back later to check and see if anyone needed a box or wanted coffee and dessert. The man at my table chooses to share with me that he really did enjoy his entrée. BUT, there are just a few things he would change to the dish.  He proceeds to tell me what he would do to make this dish just THAT much better. Sir, do you really think I have any power what-so-ever to change anything about our food? [News flash: I don’t]. Also, I highly doubt you are any kind of expert when it comes to food because this is what you order:

Steak- Well done with a glass of white zinfandel (who are you? My 87 year old Grandma) and you poured enough ranch on your salad, the lettuce turned white.

So far you have gotten a feel for what is going on in my head throughout my shifts. However, this clip from Kjell Bjorgen is how I actually act at my tables. Real Talk.

Part-one of my new segment: Pet Peeves.

Making out with your date at the table is gross. Go to the restroom or save it for the car. I am already about to vom from the stench of your colon. I don’t need to see you stick your tongue down your date’s throat. On another note bringing your prom date to a family restaurant… Not classy and probably won’t get you laid. Looks like you’ll be a virgin until college.